Tonks' Diary
by 97brokenprophecies
Summary: Tonks' Diary according to the 5th, 6th, 7th book that follow the events in the books as told by her. What happens when 10 years later, Teddy finds and reads her diary?
1. Order of the Phoenix

Tonks' Diary Entries from 1995- 1996

I'm so glad to have time to talk to you finally! It's currently late and I am in the Department of Mysteries guarding a prophecy about Harry Potter and You-Know-Who. I still can't believe the Order is giving me such dark and dangerous jobs already. Oh wait! I don't think I've told you about the Order, or anything thats happened! Well everything has changed. It starts with Harry Potter being in the Triwizard Tournament. After the third task, Cedric Diggory and him were brought to a graveyard where You-Know-Who returned to power. Dumbledore believed him, and so of course, I believe him too. He started recruiting people for the Order of the Phoenix, but the MInistry and Fudge are in denial, or think he's mad. One of those. So, Harry is being ridiculed and Dumbledore has lost being Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, voted out of the Chairmanship of the International Confederation of Wizards, and they almost took away his Order of Merlin First Class. They are mad for doing that, its Dumbledore for god's sake! Out of all the Auror's it's just Kingsley and me who are the newbies, and Mad-Eye of course joined again. Though being from the Ministry, it's a great asset to Dumbledore because we get to feed him information. Kingsley also is feeding information to the Aurors that Sirius is in Tibet. Well anyways I better pay more attention to guarding, will write as soon as I can!

The Order meeting is about to start, i'm so excited and nervous. I'm excited to help in any way possible, but i'm also nervous for what Dumbledore is going to do regarding Harry Potter. I heard that while Mundungus Fletcher was supposed to guard him, he left, and was attacked by dementors. He is now facing expulsion. As if that kid needs more on his plate! So this meeting was called about yesterday, and we all think Dumbledore is gonna bring him here or do something! Dumbledore just walked in looking worn out, I'll write after.

The meetings just ended and Dumbledore wants us to find a way to get Harry out with the muggles being out of the picture. I volunteered, but didn't know how so McGonagall told me that those muggles he's with are very uptight about their house and yard. She thinks they care more about that than Harry. Those darn muggles! I am gonna write them a letter saying that there's an All-England Best Kept Suburban Lawn Competition. I bet they will buy it being their pretentious selves.

Sent the letter via muggle post. The plan is to take him tonight after they leave. We are gonna transport him with broomsticks. I'm excited to meet Harry. Lupin has told me a lot about him. He keeps going on and on about how good he is at Quidditch and that he can do a Patronus. I told Lupin, of course he's amazing he's Harry Potter! He didn't laugh just got all serious with Mad-Eye about procedures. He's so serious all the time!

Sorry about that was interrupted! Mad-Eye wanted to leave 2 hours before the plan! He was ushering everyone out the door when Dumbledore told him to wait a little longer. Dumbledore is the only one he will listen to. Oh, and get this he wanted us to head back over what we already passed because he thought we could be followed! Oh, well let's get back to the beginning when I picked up Harry. I couldn't believe how clean these muggles were. My dad's a muggle and a slob, yet these muggles didn't have one speck of dirt. Everything was freshly polished. The smell of whatever they use to clean was overwhelming. Harry's room, however, was much better. He had everything everywhere, and the Owl cage was dirty. It was actually nice to have his owl cage smell. Much better than whatever the muggles use, and it was more normal. We packed his stuff, and we were about to set off when Remus introduced me to him as Nymphadora! Can you believe that? I've told him so many times to call me Tonks. Who would name their child Nymphadora besides my mother? I think he found me interesting, as he didn't know what a Metamorphagus was, and I showed him. I looked a bit peaky with purple hair so I had to change it. You wouldn't believe what he has though, a Firebolt! Then we set off and it was freezing up there! With Mad-Eye on the lookout he wanted us to double back, like I said, when we were frozen to our brooms! Mad!

Sorry diary! I've been so busy at the Ministry and with the Order. Scrimgeour is making me more stressed because he keeps asking me and Kingsley funny questions! I'm still guarding in the Department of Mysteries, and it's probably from that i'm not sleeping well. Remus is guarding too, and I'm glad sometimes we'll switch swifts or we'll guard together. He says it's because he thinks i'm overly exhausted, and thinks I will fall asleep on duty! I keep telling him that yes i'm overly tired, but that doesn't mean that I will fall asleep on a duty so important. He stays anyways. Weird.

So I just got done taking Harry, Ron, Ginny, Hermione, Fred, and George to King's Cross Station as it's September 1st. Sirius came too, disguised as a dog. It was funny how he leaped up onto him to say goodbye, even one of Harry's friends thought it was great! I, though, had a great disguise too. I disguised myself as an old woman. I love being a Metamorphagus as it always comes in handy! I miss the the gang though. I loved coming over for those wonderful dinners Mrs. Weasley made, and entertaining Hermione and Ginny with different noses. Oh, how I will miss that! I think Sirius misses Harry already. He's been down even more than usual. The poor bloke, he's so lonely. Remus has been stopping by Grimmauld Place more than any of us. He really cares about him.

I wish there was more happiness in my life right now. I am overwhelmed with the Ministry and the Order. I don't mind working for the Order as I am fighting against You-Know-Who, but the Ministry is driving me mad! Everyday I have to lie, and I have suspicions that they suspect things, which scares me. I talk to Remus a lot, he's trying to get my spirits up. He keeps telling me that we are doing something noble that Dumbledore knows fully what to do to keep opposition to You-Know-Who defensive and strong. He says that it's hard now, and it won't certainly get easier, but we need to stay strong as we are fighting something worth fighting for. I agree with him, its just sometimes it's just so hard. I don't have it nearly as hard as him though, and I think his attitude really uplifts me and encourages me.

I'm still completely overwhelmed with everything right now. I feel like i have weights on my shoulders at all times, and even though I know it's important to have that, it's still hard.

I need more support. Lupin's supported me the most. He's the only one I can count on to make me realize the importance of staying strong. I am, diary, don't worry.

Last night, it was Arthur's turn to guard at the Department of Mysteries, and Harry had a vision of him having being bitten by a snake. Turns out it was real and happened. Because of Harry, Arthur was saved. He was badly attacked, and if Harry hadn't seen it he would be dead. I am so relieved! I couldn't imagine losing Arthur. We need him in the Order, and oh how that would affect Molly if he died! Poor Arthur is in St. Mungo's right now, and we are all gonna visit him. Excited to see the gang and Arthur. I hop he gets well soon!

It was a sad day today to see Arthur at St. Mungo's. Harry, Hermione, and the Weasley's were all there with us. Arthur, though, had an idea of using a muggle thing called "stitches" to help his wounds. I can't say Molly was too happy about that. I gave Harry a miniature replica of his Firebolt which I think he really liked! I accompanied them back on the Knight Bus to Hogwarts. Again, sad to see them go.

Lupin's always there for me and always keeps me grounded in my purpose to the Order with great advice and wisdom. I can't express how much I appreciate him.

Lupin's really charming in a way. He's too serious, but he has this charm about him. I don't know what it is. Also, he's kind of good-looking. I never said I liked perfectly groomed, and perfect looking men. I kind of like the ruffled, messed-up look. I feel like he needs help. He's so worn-out all the time and sad. I'm scared for him because the full moon is approaching in a week. I'm gonna pay Mundungus to get me some Wolfsbane Potion. He so desperately needs it!

Lupin's been acting kind of distant. I don't know what's been going on with him, but I think he needs help. Maybe I can help him. I don't know, I got to do something.

My last couple entries have been about Lupin. What can I say? I really care about his well-being. I saw him yesterday, two days after the full moon, and he looked so worn out. He still smiled and acted like he was well, even though we know he's not, he had a great big smile. He has a nice smile.

I know i've been talking about Lupin a lot, but he has this way of always helping me when I need to be lifted up. It's nice when he talks about Harry, he really adores him. I think it's great how he looks after the one he cares about. I wonder how he looks at me. Not that it matters of course. Did I mention that he's a really good storyteller, you can get lost in his stories. His eyes really speak emotions. I never noticed before that his brown eyes have tiny green specks in them.

I'm sorry diary, I haven't been writing much but I am gonna tell you everything now as it is all I can do as I sit in St. Mungo's. Last night, we were alerted by Snape that Harry, Hermione, Ron, Ginny, Neville and Luna went to fight the Death Eaters in the Department of Mysteries over the prophecy. Kingsley, Mad-Eye, Sirius, and I rushed there and fought them. I stunned Lucius, and tried to duel Bellatrix, but she knocked me unconscious. I owe her. One day, I will hurt her. Sadly, Bellatrix also hurt Sirius. Killed him. I am so upset over his death, and I want to hurt her so badly. Kingsley dueled well, and Mad-Eye lost his eyeball fighting. He later found it though. One good thing happened though, all the aurors and Fudge witnessed You-Know-Who. Everyone knows that he has returned to power. I don't know what is better though now, everyone believing his is gone, or back. Now, it's going back to how it used to be. I shudder to think what's going to happen.

I'm so happy to be released from St. Mungo's. Lupin has told me that we need to have a talk with Harry's aunt and uncle because they do not treat him right. I am going to KIng's Cross to have this nice little talk with them. If it doesn't work, i'm sure Mad-Eye will handle it better.


	2. You Shine Brighter than the Full Moon

Tonks' Diary Entries 1996-1997 (Harry's 6th year)

I can't stop thinking about Remus. His eyes, despite his ragged appearance, shine like the sun. Warm and bright. They are always a light that uplift me. He's a really nice, gentle (despite being a werewolf), intelligent, strong, man. The kind of man that i'm thinking could help me. Help me when times get bad like he has been helping me for the last year. I'm starting to really like him. I'm developing strong feelings. I don't know what to do. I've got to tell him, and I don't think he'll necessarily say no, but it just makes me nervous because I really like him. I'm gonna tell him tomorrow when I see him.

That didn't go well, Remus doesn't like me. He says that he's too old, worn, dangerous, old, and poor. I couldn't believe it. Love has no boundaries. Just because he is a werewolf doesn't mean he should not or can not love. He is capable of love like everyone else. I think he's capable of a lot of love. Frankly, I don't think he's really been loved. I want and need to love him. I went to Molly's after we had tea. She was very sympathetic. Before I told her how I felt, she said she noticed. I guess I used to watch him with love in my eyes. We talked till 5 am, and she told me a story about her first boyfriend, who didn't want her at first either. She just waited for him. I can't do that though, he needs me, and he needs to be loved.

I've talked to Remus, and he still says the same thing. He also no longer wants to see me or talk to me as much. He's distancing himself from me, and it's breaking my heart. Why can't he see that I can be his full moon without the pain. I can light up his life. The full moon hurts him every month. I would never ever hurt him. I'm so broken. He's everything to me, and he thinks this is just a crush, it's not. I think i'm in love, though i'm not sure. I need some proof.

All I can think about is Remus. The way he smiles, no matter how miserable he is, and the way he keeps it all hidden. I wish I could somehow show him that he is what I need. There's no reason to keep it hidden, he can share it with me like I shared so much with him. Now that I think about it, he didn't share nearly as much as I did with him. It's like he is wary of getting too close. It's like, Remus, yes you're a werewolf, but that doesn't mean you don't have a heart. I see that you have a heart, and that heart is in desperate need to give that love you've denied yourself for so long, to someone else. I want his heart. I'm gonna steal it. I really wish I could steal it in the dead of night. I want it so badly. I would give him mine faster than he could think. Or maybe i've already given him mine. I have such strong feelings for him, but i'm not sure if i'm in love with him. How can you tell, anyways? What's the difference of adoring and loving someone to being in love? I feel like I could be, but I want to see some proof!

Tonight, something happened. Not with me or Remus unfortunately. Me and the aurors were undercover, and I tried to do a Patronus. It came out as a big blob of white. No shape or anything. The aurors told me that I must be going through quite an emotional upheaval to have that happen. I guess I am, but that doesn't answer the question, am I in love or not? I am obviously going through an emotion upheaval as I am constantly crying. I'm at Molly's a lot because she gives me great advice, and tons of sympathy. I can barely concentrate at work, or even create a Patronus! All I think about is Remus.

I have now been assigned to guard Hogwarts. I'm barely seeing Lupin now though. He's undercover with other werewolves trying to help them turn to Dumbledore. It's not going well, though, especially with Greyback amongst them too. I would love to hurt Greyback. He bit Lupin, so it's the least I could do.

I was guarding Hogwarts today, September 1st, when I noticed Harry not come out with the other students. I went looking for him, and I couldn't believe where I found him. I found him on the floor, face smashed, covered with his Invisibility Cloak. He said Draco Malfoy did it. I lead him to the castle, when Snape came and let us in. Without some comments though. I had to alert him with a Patronus which he made fun of. He also slammed the door in my face! Remus was so right about him. Dumbledore might trust him, but he's not a nice person. Remus always said that Snape will always be angry and mean, but we don't know why. He thinks it has some reason to do with how in there school days, Remus helped bully him. I think Remus feels bad. He really has a good and soft, delicate heart. Remus also told me that he believed Harry is the chosen one. I said like he's not, Remus, we only guarded the prophecy for a year! Remus kind of laughed, his laugh is kind of scratchy and hoarse, but it's kind of sexy. Anyways, Remus is close to Harry and has a lot of faith in him. I do too.

Not much has changed, i'm still guarding Hogwarts, but now Dumbledore has me guard it when he leaves. He won't tell any of us where he's going. He leaves a lot though. Remus is still with the other werewolves. He's even more worn out than usual.

I was talking to Molly, and she said the reason my Patronus has no shape is because my emotional upheaval made the Patronus not sure what form to take. She says that soon it will be a werewolf. I wonder what Remus will think. I don't think he needs more proof of my feelings toward him. I've told him countless times that I don't care if he's old! I don't care if he's worn and dangerous! I don't care if he has no money! I don't care about any of that stuff! Don't care! All I want is him. His beautiful heart that he has overlooked with his condition. I don't think he knows what his heart is capable of, frankly. I know his heart is capable of much, much more than he's let anyone see. That's saying something since he has such a good and kind nature.

I couldn't sleep tonight. I started crying and went and to Molly's to get some tea. She wanted to see me conquer a Patronus. What did you know, it was a werewolf! Molly is so amazing, she knows so much about love. She is like the mother I never had.

I don't know what to do with myself anymore. All the things I used to like to do i've lost interest in. My friends keep telling me i've been really withdrawn. I am also having trouble changing my appearance. When I want my hair pink, it gives me a dark greenish pink. It's so ugly!

I'm still guarding Hogwarts. I walking today in Hogsmeade when I saw Harry Potter and Mundungus Fletcher. Harry was strangling him for some reason.

Everything in life is blurry like I can't make sense of anything. The only time I feel alert is with or when talking about Remus.

Let's talk about something more important for a change. Then we can of course go back to Remus. The fight against You-Know-Who is not going well. Countless people are dying. Every day you read in the papers names of people that are missing or murdered. It seems like everyone around me is grieving for one person that they were close to. Dumbledore is starting be around us less. The Order is struggling to find and prevent You-Know-Who from carrying out his plans. I don't even know what his plans are anymore. Dumbledore keeps saying that he is doing important stuff alone. He won't tell us what that is either. It's very important for me to fight and keep fighting, but I am so scared. I am scared of this war. I am scared for the thousands, or countless people that will lose their lives and loved ones. I am scared for Harry. He has the whole world on his shoulders. The fate and hope of the wizarding world depends on his actions. I can't imagine being in his position. After that night at the Department of Mysteries, everyone now believes it's Harry that can now rid the world of You-Know-Who. I believe that, Dumbledore has always said he is the best hope, but I am scared. How does someone even conquer You-Know-Who? I am also scared for Dumbledore. He is the only one You-Know-Who ever feared, and the only protection the Order and the world has from You-Know-Who. If you're around Dumbledore you're much safer. The Ministry is trying to recruit Harry as an auror too. I heard that Scrimgeour is trying everything to get ahold of Harry. Dumbledore doesn't want that though. Scrimgeour, like so many others, wants to have Harry take advantage of his nickname, The Chosen One, and almost advertise it to get people's morales up. I understand, but I just think he should be left alone. He's gone through so, so much and really doesn't need to have more pressure on him. Times are dark, very dark. Harry could tell the world he is in fact The Chosen One and all that, but what would that accomplish? We need to focus on reality. You-Know-Who is gaining power and followers. We cannot succumb to defeat, we have to just battle on until we can no longer. Just like Harry has, and thankfully he is still fighting. I've only heard about when You-Know-Who first gained power. I was to young to understand fully. The horrors I still can't fathom even though it will eventually get that bad, I have hope that Dumbledore is guiding Harry in the right direction. Dumbledore is close to Harry so it's only fitting he is helping him. As I said, I cannot fathom the evil that has taken over the world. Times are so dark. I think maybe I need to do more on my part. I've been so worked up over Remus like that is the only thing happening! So very much is happening, I need to also focus on my duty to the wizarding world. I want a safer place for my children to live in. A better place.

Yesterday, I told Remus as fierce as I could that I don't care that he's older than me, that he's poor, or that he's dangerous and worn. Finally, I felt like how much longer could he keep saying no? i thought maybe this time, but no. He said the same thing! He's driving me crazy.

Diary, I cannot express to you the enormity of what happened, and what is going to happen. Last night, Remus, Bill, and I was patrolling the castle when Death Eaters were let in through the Room of Requirement. Harry tells the story where Draco Malfoy let them in through a Vanishing Cabinet. Draco Malfoy then disarmed Dumbledore on the Astronomy Tower after he and Harry returned to the school. Draco tried to murder him, but couldn't so Snape murdered Dumbledore! I couldn't believe it, I mean Snape! Who he trusted? Such a sad, sad event. The Order is now gone, and nothing can stop You-Know-Who now. I hope Dumbledore taught Harry what to do at this time because we so desperately need to know what to do to stop him. In the wake of tragedy, some good happened. Bill was attacked by Greyback, and Fleur still loved him after his injuries. I then tried again with Remus. I told him for the 100th time that I didn't care! He said the same thing, but McGonagall said that Dumbledore would have been happier if there was a little more love in the world. I told Remus that Bill and Fleur's and our situations were the same, but he didn't think so. All in all, I think he's softening up. He gave me this smile that said something like this is hard, you know, but it might just be worth it.

That next morning, I was at Molly's, and we were crying together. We cried about Dumbledore and the fate of the wizarding world all night. Remus stopped by the burrow. Molly, even though I didn't notice, crept out of the room. We were alone. I started to say something, but Remus said, "I'm so torn. I want you to have the best life possible. I want you to marry a man that can support you, and that's not dangerous." He signed heavily and sat down. I, still standing, bent over and put my face to his. I said, "Remus, it's not about that. It's about the fact that I want you. I want you, just like you are. I don't care about anything else. I love you." At that moment, I started crying and turned around. He, stood up, and wrapped his arms around my back, slowly bringing me to face him. He looked in my eyes and held my face as he said, "I love you too, I've tried to deny my feelings for you, I've tried to think of every reason we couldn't be together, but I want you too. I love you. I just couldn't believe that you would ever want me, and I'm so glad that you do." We kissed. It was the best kiss I have ever experienced. I could feel my heart evaporating into a rush. A rush that picked up my heart and sent it exploding among the clouds. Later, he asked me to be his girlfriend. We are officially together! The wait was so worth it!

Today was a sad day, it was Dumbledore's funeral. So many came together in mourning at Hogwarts. All of Hogwarts attended it. I am so sad that Dumbledore died in the way he did, by someone he trusted. I'm so sad that the Order is over. I'm just so sad about Dumbledore. I know Harry is really mourning too. He also hated Snape. It's not over yet though. The Order might be over, but those against You-Know-Who, as a body, still continue to fight. We will not stop till we rid the world of this evil. I want to see a world, someday, with this evil defeated. If I have to die for this cause, I will. When I have a child, if he grows up in a world with this evil gone, my death would have been worth it.

P.S. My metamorphagus abilities are back. My Patronus is now permanently a werewolf. I am happier than I have ever been. I reckon he is too.


End file.
